One of "Those" moms

Shopping

Fri, 06 Nov 2009 07:18:54 GMT

Yesterday I explained our food regime to my doctor and gosh! I didn't realize we paid such attention to what we eat and how these natural choices for us are each take much more organisation than those of the common French shopper.

We follow the blood type diet.
We only buy seasonal fruit and vegetable.
We only buy ingredients produced closeby.
We only buy organic cleaning products and beauty products.
We only buy products that are free of animal testing.

Five little rules that make us go shop to three totally different places every week. But it's worth it.

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

Scaryyyy!!!

Thu, 05 Nov 2009 07:24:35 GMT

So yesterday, it was that time of year again. The babes birthday is coming up, Saint Nicholas, Christmas,... So I had to go to the... Wait for it... TOY SHOP!!! (screaming)

I found an LJ post from last year saying how I had hated it but I thought that, being older and stronger and all, all would be well thus year.

Hah!

Don't try to enter a toy shop when you are a feminist in favour of LBGT marriage, wanting to break the transgender taboo and promoting diversity. Oh, and don't go into a toy store when you are a caring mother!!

Toy shops are the place where segregation and mysoginy go hand in hand. Every toy is labeled following the stereotyped parent that has been targeted. There is no "cars" shelf, for instance, there is the "boys" shelf. How limiting! There are only blonde female baby dolls. There is a whole seperate world of elitist bitch eco-friendly toys.

There's only noise and eye-damageing colours...

Jeesh!!

And it's even worse when you are a mother. I wanted to buy a plane for the babe. Boy was I under the wrong impression that that was going for the easy choice! Do I take the tall plane with the little people in it? Do I take the one made for 18 months old or the one for 2 years old? Do I take the little one so I can buy her another gift or do I take the big one with the many functions? Does she want to fill it with things or does she want to fly and ride with it?

Effing hell!!!

I was under constant doubt, being convinced that whatever choice I made, I would traumatize my babe with the exact wrong plane! Half an hour I stood pining over bloody planes!!

I almost started crying...

Somehow I calmed down and grabbed the first damn plane I had put my thoughts on in the beginning and went to the teller. I paid and finally noticed I had bought my very first perfect plane wit a female captain and a black crew =^_______^=

And now I know I will never go to another toy shop in my life again because I found this wonderful new thing called "on line shopping"

Bliss!

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

Boobies!!

Wed, 04 Nov 2009 07:15:31 GMT

Yay, I've got the LJ app on my iPhone. I can now blog whenever I want!!

So I sent in my test for my lactation consultant. I'm waiting for the results but I think I did quite ok. I'm about to start another one, organised by "Message", a support group for young expat mothers. It should last a year and then I will be bound to the organisation for another two years, fulfilling my duties as a boobie teacher.

I'm kinda proud ^^".

I hope I'll be able to help out and support young women and mothers throughout their pre and postnatal period. There is so much wrong information, there's such a lack for support and such a contempt for young mothers, we have to help out everywhere we can. Empower young mothers(to-be) with encouragement and information so they can make informed choices instead of being pushed and shoved around.

Just yesterday I heard about yet another "doctor" telling a mother that breastmilk is not nutritive once the babe is six months old.

So there we go.

I also hope to find some personal fulfilment in this volunteering. I do not have the job I always dreamt of but it is a good job, out of the profit-commercial sector. It is helping the bigger cause of improving education everywhere. Or so I'd like to hope ^^
I'm "just" an assistant at work. I have good colleagues and perform well. I receive abundant praise for my work. I genuinely like to go to work on Mondays.

But it is not a job I want to be defined by solely. I want my daughter to be proud of me for what I bring to other people. I secretly hope I could even inspire her...

Maybe I really should think of becoming a midwife?!

...

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

1OO!!

Sun, 01 Nov 2009 20:17:59 GMT

There! My gramps is 100!!
He's as old as Einsteins relativity theory :)
He's seen the arrival of the phone, he's seen it evolve to cell phones.
He's seen the arrival of the radio, the tv, moving on to multiplexes and, again, cell phone videos.
He's see both world wars, living in one of the most active war zones of WW2, he did not have to fight in any of them, though.
He moved about 40 kilometers with his entire household with his then six children, all of his cattle, his helpers, his household,... and it was way before cars were common so it was moving all these by foot and cart.
He almost drowned, one day, falling in a pit of manure (not a very glorious death that would've been).
He could write a book, since he kept all the facts. Every day, he conscienciously wrote down what happened every day. He's got books and books filled with the number of bread baked, the purchase of cattle, the payment of employees, the birthdays, the deaths and illnesses, the adventures big and small.
He got married on 8 May 1935, a day that would turn out to be historical because ten years later, Germany lost the war and 8 May 1945, on their 10th anniversary, my grandparents heard all the clocks of all the churches of France to ring for them. Since that day, they could celebrate their anniversaries in peace since 8 May is a bank day in France.
He used and abused my grandmother, his wife, till her death bed. He was not a good husband.
He's egotistical, always has been, likes to be the center of the attention.

Hell, he's my gramps and I love him. I cannot forgive him for what he has done to my grandmother because he doesn't see the wrong he has done but even so, he is such a big part of my childhood that it is impossible for me to harbour feelings of resentment or anger.
He's the root of my family tree, I love him.

Fooooor he's a jolly good fellow for he's a jolly good feeeelloooooow ^^

To friend or not to friend

Thu, 29 Oct 2009 11:13:43 GMT

One of my friend decided our friendship is not worth it any longer.
Replying on a post on FB, she started a rant that sudenly grew out of proportions.
After our discussion over the internet, she sent me a message in which she showed that she knows she is in the wrong but doesn't want to talk about it.

In my opinion, she expects me to do the "awww it's ok, come 'ere for a hug"-thing but I am not willing to do that. Unless I accept her sudden wrath and aknowledge to indeed be a "whining elitist that should go back to her own country".

In previous situations with all sorts of friends, I was always the forgiving one (who said "the doormat"?), always the one saying that a friendship is way too precious to lose over futilities like those. But I've grown and I've become much stronger about what I do and do not accept to be told. And this is a line I do not want to see crossed. I know she does know she is in the wrong but she is too proud to actually say the words and tell me so.
Am I a fool to wait for an apology and to expect from a friend to look the truth in the eye ? Or should I, once again, be the lenient one and go back to see her?

The "would you rather be right or rather be happy" does not apply to me, here. She was one of my best friends and she is my baby's godmother. I'd ask "would you rather be proud or would you rather be a godmother?". She'd prefer to lose her relationship with a friend and with her godchild than swallow her pride and ask for an apology.

She has lost many friendships over the year, always over details and futilities, always after these friends have done a LOT for her (two weeks before this altercation, we took her with us on our honeymoon because she just got dumped). She likes being sad and miserable and focus on her loneliness even if she is in fact wonderfully surrounded by the most interesting people I have ever seen. She pushes the people she grows closer with away with an unseen violence and then has reason to scold at them in front of everyone. This has now happened to me and I wonder: should I forgive her? Take the first step and risk a lesson not learned and a possible future repitition of this situation? Or should I indeed wait until she is ready to face the insults she has been throwing at me?

Fat?! Moi?! No, I'm just perfect ^^

Wed, 28 Oct 2009 09:21:34 GMT

It's tough to have gained weight when I was pregnant. I am now 10kg heavier than I was right before the princess.
Thing is, I'm a feminist and I should not care but hey, 30 years of skinny women propaganda works well on me, I still think I'm a big fat cow.

I do know a perfect body is actually a body that works fine, a body that can dance, sing, twirl, jump, walk, breathe,... a perfect body is a healthy body. There's no use in judging a body by superficial, temporary, subjective criteria cuz all that does is create this state of mind we are all in: uncertainty! And uncertain women are submissive women.

I remember when I lived with the crazy ex-roommate. She used to tell me I used to be obese. Eh... I was a little chunky on the side but I did love these handles and curves, I thought they gave me a comfortable look. But hey, I was in the middle of a depression, I moved to three different countries in six months time, I was vulnerable and brainwashed with anorexia-talk so there, I lost about 10 kg.
Well, there was the six months of non-stop sushi too, that helps :p

But when I weighed only 57 kg, I remember how all the French people told me "oooh, you look so healthy and thin" and how all my Belgian friends told me "goodness, look how skinny you look, are you sure you're ok?!". So there, it IS cultural, it IS skin deep and subjective.

And now I'm a fat cow again, weighing 70 kg against the 60 I weighed just before getting pregnant. Or am I? Which criteria should I use, the scales, the opinion of starved French skinny bitches or my feeling about my body? Maybe I really WAS too skinny back then, maybe I'm just a bit too round right now, who knows? But, you know: WHO CARES?!! My man doesn't, my babe doesn't, my American "overweight" (by French norms) colleagues don't, Anna Wintour doesn't,... so what the hell? Thing is I feel really ok with my body nowadays. My belly is a bit blubbery but for the rest, don't I have the perfect boobs that get the looks from everyone (oh, and they're real ^^)? Don't I have the perfect ass my man likes to slap in front of everyone?

Am I not just peeeer-fact?

Huh?!

Wed, 01 Jul 2009 20:43:45 GMT

MY DAUGHTER PEED ON THE POTTIE!!!
MA FILLE A FAIT PIPI SUR SON POT!!!

Rollercoaster ride...

Thu, 25 Jun 2009 20:54:48 GMT

And back down.
The little one has been vomiting. I believe she may be very sensitive to hot and stormy weather.

I did some vomit-skating for that matter, WITH the baby in my arms so I had to make all happen not to fall. And she vomited on her security elephant, her doudou, who had to be washed and dried within the half hour in order to avoid crisis. And while washing the elephant and the teddy bear, the washing machine started spitting water. And the little one said her first curse word, being "putain", so no more cursing in our family!!

Jeesh... what a messy day.

Now I gotta find things I'm grateful for!! Heheh ^^

It's a matter of perspective

Tue, 23 Jun 2009 21:07:49 GMT

For a while now, I've been looking at the black side of life again but man am I ok I'm drawing myself to the good side again ^^

It got me free icecream at work and more Bollyfun!

And strangely... Mary Magdalen is involved again!

Let's go and rock the world again =^_______^=

Father's Day

Sun, 21 Jun 2009 21:06:11 GMT

All the good things of this weekend:

- the headache is gone
- we ate chicken and salmon instead of the usual pasta & pizza
- I discovered a new playground with the baby
- I bought dried apple & strawberry from the market
- We went for a walk with the moogman & the baby, something we never have the time/energy to do, most of the time we go see friends or one of the two of us stay home to rest while the other goes out
- We had one of the rare family dinners, usually we eat once the baby is off to bed but now we took the time to eat together
- Summer came and it felt like summer
- We waved at boats
- I received my Mohter's day gift in the post: the first 6 seasons of CSI (hours of fun!!!)
- I finally got to give the moogman his Father's Day gift and he was thrilled between the wrestling tickets and the baby's Photomaton instant pictures, he loved it. Wrestling doesn't exist in France but the WWE Smackdown is coming to Paris this fall, my man did a minor happy dance this afternoon :p

Bliss is in the house ^^

Shopping is done!

Sat, 20 Jun 2009 11:53:26 GMT

The wedding shopping should be DONE now. Phew!!!
Shoes: yes
Fabric: yes
Veil: yes
Crown: yes
Lingerie: yes

sigh...

I'm still sick and I probably shouldn't have gone out this morning to go shop but the wedding is in four weeks and I really need to keep my schedule! So it was either that or mega stress.

And I do feel sorry for the salespeople in those cheap wedding shops, they must be harrassed by brides-to-be. They're not the typical "Bridezillas" I saw on tv the other day but I'm sure some catfights do happen in there.

Anyway, we saw a lot of veeeeeeerrrry bad taste in these shops and had to look really hard to find something tasteful for me & our wedding.

Next week: final fitting sessions for the wedding dress. Whoohoo!!

I'll look like... er... well actually I'll look like a real bride and that's scary!

major F!

Thu, 18 Jun 2009 20:00:07 GMT

After my father's operation
After my baby's bronchiolitis
After my baby's stomach flu
After my mother going crazy like hell and effing everyone up over the wedding
After the shit job the moogman joined
After the moogman decided to leave the job in question and be unemployed again
After my job and its stress and the fact that I do nothing more than catch up with days of absence because of the baby being sick and stuff
After the wedding not coming on as quickly as we'd hopes

Well, after all of that, there is the sinusitis / angina / ear infection I just got myself into!

Major Fuck!

OMG, there's more! ^^

Wed, 17 Jun 2009 19:17:57 GMT

She not only knows her first name but also her second name, this is sweeeeeeeeeeeet!!

Just you try and tell me that this is NOT CUTE!!

Tue, 16 Jun 2009 20:30:18 GMT

I swear one day I'll eat that bay alive with kisses!!!

Let's get back on track

Mon, 15 Jun 2009 20:46:59 GMT

I wanna get back to affirmations but it doesn't seem to flow that way for now.

I think I'm finally getting my life kinda organized between healthy food, baby love and baby play, preparing the wedding, doing my papers, doing my job, dancing...
Where do the affirmations fit in this tight puzzle?!

I get back on the flow of life and raise my feet to let life sweep me away in all her glory!

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG!!!!!

Sun, 14 Jun 2009 20:33:26 GMT

On 3rd of July, my Bollywood teacher is organizing a Bollywood evening and she's having all of us perform on stage!!!!

OH MY GOD!!!!

I feel like when I was little and we were preparing the school show!! SO EXCITED AND NERVOUS!!

And of course I just realise I put the news on Facebook and said to everyone to come have a look and it's freaking me out! I'm so proud of doing such a cool dance but so nervous about doing a show. I know it's only a silly amateur show and stuff but hey ho, it's doing something I like, on stage, where I could fall over my skirt and lose my skirt and end up naked on stage (mwhahahahaha)!

Anywayz!!

The baby is doing great again. My father's theory was that she had fever and vomited after all the stress she had gone through, or maybe it was a growth spurt. Both explanations are quite plausible for a 12 hours fever and vomiting attac, no?
The most important is: she's good again, healthy and happy and jumping around like usual!

And we will start out our first diet ever: the bloodtype diet. Not to lose weight but to eat more healthy food, more appropriate for our body and soul. We'll see what gives.

OMG I'M GOING TO DANCE ONE OF MY FAVOURITE BOLLYWOOD SONGS ON STAGE IN PARIS!!!

(if you want to come see how proud I am to make a fool of myself: 3 juillet à 20h au Club Med World de Cour St Emilion, woohoo!!)

Rebelotte

Sat, 13 Jun 2009 20:44:26 GMT

Went to the ER again this afternoon. We waited for four hours and got to see the doctor who told us that there's nothing YET. She sees some redness here and there but there is no ilness that is getting through. Basically, we have to wait till the baby is actually sick and then see what happens.

It's now almost 23:00 and I hear her crying, crying, crying and whining...
She still has a fever and doesn't want to eat or drink.

Fuck this sucks...

Consumerism

Thu, 11 Jun 2009 20:37:41 GMT

I work in a posh Paris neighbourhood, I live in a cosy family Paris suburb.

I prefer my living neighborhood because I know the people, the other moms, I know when there is a garage sale in the street, I know what doctor is the good doctor, I know I can trust the vet, I know where to go to buy good bread,...

I like my working neighbourhood, it's very Paris, there are real good bakeries, there are yummie eating places, there's the Eiffel tower quite closeby, there's the biking in Brigitte Bardot's street and stuff...

But my working neighbourhood is this so very very ugly posh. All these women in fur, all these children in clothes worth one month's rent, all these facelifted moms, all these green licence plates of embassies who use and abuse of their diplomatic immunity, all these overly catholic breeding machines, all these foreigners used as slaves with a sad, sad look on their face...

It's tough. I just hate what this neighbourhood stands for. The consumerism, the money, the stereotyping. Sometimes I wish I could do as once was done: live life and not be liven life. I may be wrong because a thousand years ago, it was Christian church that told us what we had to do, now it is the television and other media.
Christianity ordered people to go fight and die for their religion, magazines order young girls to starve and die for their religion.

I'm babbling, not quite straight, but the thought is that I walk in these beautiful Paris street and it gets ugly because of all the "temptations" around. You are tempted to buy your lifestyle. Your fashion lifestyle, your organic lifestyle, your economic lifestyle,... It is quite tough to just LIVE your own life. Make your choices and stand by them. Choose not to buy organic because it is polluting the environment, buy boy's clothes for your baby girl, dunno, your life gets defined by what box you buy for. So how do I define myself in the non-consumerism, personal way of life?

I will teach my daughter that most of the advertisement on television are plain poison. I hope to open her eyes to the real values in life and motivate her to take her own actions, make her own choices but I do know that I will open herself to criticism and being kept out of the hurdle. I've been there, it can be tough to carry.
Let's hope I can teach her not to care for that :)

Shadow and sweet water...

On to the wedding!

Thu, 11 Jun 2009 19:02:08 GMT

Ok, the little one is feeling way better! A bit whiney because she has been pampered but that'll pass, I'm sure. Only a couple days of medicine left, so we see the end of the tunnel.

I stayed home today, had a lazy morning and watched movies all day long. I watched the fabulously feminine "The Hours", the hilarious "Serial Mother" and the wonderful "Lagaan".

Aaah! Bliss!!

And now I'm back on track. A month and a half left to the wedding. No stress, just time ticking. I am still stress-free and enjoying with glee the planning of a party with all our friends and loved ones. I'm so looking forward to it :)

One day of rest did so much good, I'm happy I did it.

Pressure is back down, phew!

Sun, 07 Jun 2009 21:30:32 GMT

Ok, all is well again. Well, almost :)

So on Friday night, we went to the ER where they were really friendly and took their time for each of the patients who were there. Which means we had to wait for two hours until someone could look after us. Thank you ergo baby carrier, for the comfort you gave my little one.

Anyway, then it all started: first the doctor came to see her, then we started with the oxygen, then aerosol, then the X-rays, then more looking by the doctor, then blood test, then three attempts at a drip,.. it was a lot of work and a lot of bother for poor little princess. After the last attempt for the drip, I said "stop"!
It was 4:30 in the morning, Scarlett had had no more than half an hour of sleep and was falling over. She hadn't thrown up since a while so why not just feed her the antibiotics instead of going intravenous and see if she held it down?
So off we went to the pediatric ward.

Unfortunately she had to be waken every four hours for more aerosols but she fell asleep in my arms during that so all was well.

Diagnosis was bronchiolite with some unknown infection detected via the bloodtest. So we stayed for one day & one night and then we left after an "all clear" bloodtest.

It was mother's day and I had planned my perfect day of bringin my little one to a sunny Bollywood demonstration by my dance teacher. I was disappointed I missed dancing with my baby in my backpack.

But I was so proud of my strength. I was impressed to see how my body kept on pushing on and on until I caved and fell like a rock on the tiny mattress on the floor of her hospital bedroom.

I have a needle phobia due to uncaring hospital personel so I swore myself not to let that happen to her. I stayed as much as I could, I held her hand, I talked to her, I stroke her head, I prayed for her and cried when she slept. I carried her and forced her to take all yukkie medicine but that is my job. And of course, I know no gratitude will come from it but hey, isn't basic good health not the first reason of a mother's care?
I now know for sure that I am the perfect mother and that there will never be someone better than me to take care of my child.

I can't write very straight, I'm still so tired and somewhat sick.
And still, my own fears still win over my comfort. My fear of sleeplessness forces my body to go on until I crash... I'll really have to take care of that one day...

Gratitude for the medical team's kindness and competence. Gratitude for the toys at the pediatric ward offered by some charity, gratitude for the television in her bedroom donated by another charity. There are good people in this world, and my daughter has been able to benefit of it. I wish one day she will see this good and be grateful for it!

The baby is a trooper

Sat, 06 Jun 2009 15:14:03 GMT

I hate the French medical overly technical mentality, but I love my hospital.

Scarlett is a trooper. We went to the ER yesterday night, she got an X-Ray, a blood test, they tried to put a drip three times without any luck, she got an oxygen nose thingy, they did an aerosol, she had kine, she's having taken a urine sample now as we speak, she's getting antibiotics,... the lots...

She lost her voice because of all the crying she did but still, she is a trooper for doing all this!

The supermoogman is there now, I got home to change clothes and run some errands. This week will be a pizza week, I think, I bought a lot of frozen food & cookies and stuff. But what the ef, right?

GOGO Scarlett's imune system!!

Hmm...

Thu, 04 Jun 2009 20:51:20 GMT

David Carradine died today apparently. He's one of the very few famous people that got to know me.
I hope he now is where he wished to be...

The baby has it again: snotty nose, hysterical crying, coughing, scratching her head, unable to sleep, red eyes, biting her fist...
So there we go again with the earinfection/bronchitis/teething disaster. It must be the fifth in three months or sth. Poor thing. She just can't sleep at all. I feel I might stay home from work again tomorrow.

Every single bloody tooth. And nothing ever helps when we see this coming. We always end up calling the doctor or the emergency team and they always end up giving us antibiotics. Not one bloody medicine helps in prevention.

I HATE IT!!!

One sleepless night coming up, one!

OMG!!!

Wed, 03 Jun 2009 20:45:13 GMT

Today I got out of the shower with the little one (still doing it, a year and a half after trying it out following advice of the fairy godmother) and I looked into the mirror and I saw something stunning!!

ABS!!!

I'VE GOT ABS!!!
This rocks ^^
So I'm still rounder than I wish I am but I got my abs back :)

Why is it so hard to love our body for all the goodness that it gives us? We should celebrate the fact that we have a perfect body. The primary function of the body is breathing, building, dancing, walking, giving, taking, protecting, nurturing, caressing, petting, hugging, kissing, eating, looking, hearing, feeling, singing, jumping,...

But instead of that, we're being conditioned to constantly question our body's quality based on non-essential body functions. And of course, "they" are able to make us feel like our body is just "wrong" all the time. If it's not the hips it's the feet, or the lips, or the eyes...

I wish that by the time I grow old, people will have found it again in themselves to have respect for wisdom and old age instead of beauty and greed. I doubt it but I pray for it.

Only then will I feel energy is duly directed.

Bollywood

Tue, 02 Jun 2009 20:28:54 GMT

I think I really suck at it!
I think I really do, and also, there are a couple of skinny ladies in there who dance really well and er... well, I ain't that good looking ^^

But I don't give a damn. I enjoy it! I dance, goodness do I dance! I imagine I am in one of them movies and have the time of my life every course. I don't know how I manage NOT to dance sometimes :p
Today I wore a skirt. A long broad skirt that floats in the air when I'm turning or swirling or whatever. I lovez it! And some of the gals might wear one next week, I inspired them, how cool is that?!
Last week, the teacher called me up front because we were uneven and I didn't have a partner. It felt so great dancing with her, I felt like I was on stage in a professional performance (even if I was in a small shabby dancing studio looking chubby & flushed because of the heat) but I enjoyed massively dancing with Dolsy.

I'm taking a week off the wedding this week. I'm just going to NOT think about it and just sleep and rest as much as possible I think. The civil wedding is on 4th of July, the religious wedding is on 18th of July, one month to go. I'm longing to have fun with my friends and family! I wish I could get married every year :)
But the unicity of it makes it special, I guess, huh?

The baby's crying, hope she's not teething!

Ramblings on Sunday evening

Mon, 01 Jun 2009 21:43:00 GMT

Bachelor party came, bachelor party went.
I'm having my civil service on 4th of July, how very American ^^
I'm having my religious ceremony on 18th of July, on St Frederic's day, what a coincidence, huh? One day after Saint Charlotte's day as well :p

I saw the ex roommate again this Sunday and was stunned... it never struck me as much as now how skinny she was. It's quite frightning indeed! I started looking around me and saw a whole lot of skinny bitches and felt quite pleased with myself. Therefore, this week, for dance course, I took out some old skirt and top and will show my fat belly to the world. Damn, all these gorgeous Bollywood dancers are normally built, all these bellydancers are just yummy to bite in so why would I feel fat?! Huh?

Anywayz, the baby is growing, it is just so amazing to see a human being come to life, to see life being created. Every word, every fall and rise, every deduction, every cliché, it all comes to life in front of me, in front of us, her father and her mother. How miraculous is this?

Today I went to see a friend who just gave birth a couple of weeks ago. It's a real joy to see where I've come from! Scarlett is now so huge, so smart, compared to this tiny puppet of a baby that my friend has in her arms ^^
My! My! I'm a mom! I sometimes still cannot believe it!

Do you think I have changed? I feel so much the same sometimes, I can't grasp that little thing clinging to my skirt, looking at me like I'm some kind of goddess.

Tell me, how did this happen again?!