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Feminist my ass

One of these big arguments again. The big inequality of chores in our couple. My hub helps out. He really does. But it still is what it is; helping out. I'm the brain, I think abou what needs to be done, when and how frequently.

The hub didn't buy it. He said that he did at least 75% of all chores. So we started to write them down. Well, HE started. And once he was done, I wrote down all those that he'd forgotten or that he doesn't even think about.

So me, being on commute or at work for 55 hours a week, perform about 22 tasks. He, having no commute and being unemployed, performs 13.

As soon as this list was written down, some things happened:
- we stopped arguing, hell, we fell mute alltogether
- tears started to roll from my eyes
- my backpain was back
- I lost my voice

I'm a feminist joke.

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Tu sais quoi ? ça me fait penser à un horrible sentiment que j'ai ressenti il y a 2/3 ans. Rien de comparable avec ta situation car je vivais avec un connard :)
Quand je pensais que j'étais une fille moderne, avec un couple équilibré qui partageait tout. Et un jour j'ai ouvert les yeux, me suis rendue compte que je faisais quasiment tout dans la maison, et j'ai eu cette affreuse sensation d'être prise pour une conne. Je dois avouer que le simple fait de me rendre compte que ça ne lui venait même pas à l'idée de faire une machine, la vaisselle ou même ramasser ses fringues jetées par terre, parce que de toutes façons je le faisais... et bien ça a précipité la fin de cette relation (entre autres choses biensûr). Et ce qui est drôle c'est que ces habitudes se sont installées au fur et à mesure, que je n'avais rien vu venir et que tout à coup : PAN ! j'ai vu !
Aujourd'hui, dans ma nouvelle relation, je peux dire que j'ai la chance de VRAIMENT partager les corvées, et ça nous mets chacun sur un vrai pied d'égalité à ce niveau là, et crois moi que ça influe vraiment sur toute notre relation et ça change tout.
Enfin bref, j'arrête de raconter ma vie ^^
J'espère que ça va mieux depuis que vous avez eu cette discussion, c'esr bien de se rendre compte de ce que chacun fait vraiment.
Bisous !

Ca va beaucoup mieux, on a trouvé des solutions, heureusement.
Mon homme est un boulet mais ça compense le fait que j'en suis un aussi :)

Mais ne t'inquiète pas, c'est pas un connard, et crois-moi, moi aussi je les reconnais de loin, moi aussi j'ai eu ma dose. Il manque juste de discipline mais maintenant ça devrait aller mieux ^^

Merci ma belle Hélène (tu sais que c'est le titre d'une chanson super connue en hollande, ça?)


No wonder the word 'manhood' is swallowed up inside.

Cue rolling eyes... yup yup...

Anyway, "manhood" is still smaller than "womanhood", right?

note a joke dear, not at all ((hugs))

your body has been telling you what you already knew

now he knows, and can make a change...


Yeah, we developped new systems now.
I write all chores down that bug me or annoy me because they should be done quickly and we work with that list.

It helps me put things out of my mind for one and for two we can split more egally now.

Thanks for the hug!

Does he recognise now that he needs to do more? Are you doing better now? I came to this late... I'm hopeing you've resolved some of it already.
Something George and I both have in common is that my great grandmother and his grandmother both used to say that "a relationship only works if both parties always give 100% each," not 50-50 or 75-25.
Something else that helps us at home is that we each do the chores or take care of the things that bother us the most. George can't stand clothes on the floor, especially in the bathroom, so he's taken on being the one to pick up the clothes. I really don't mind clothes on the floor most days so I tend to leave my clothes everywhere for George to pick up. On the otherhand, George would never notice how dirty the toilet or the sinks get and I cant stand a filthy toilet or a dirty sink so I keep those clean.

It might help to just go on strike from a specific chore you do for a while too, but without a fight or cruelty... don't even mention that you're on strike, just quit doing that specific chore until it becomes unbearable to him and he starts to pick it up. This is something I've done with all my roommates over the years and it works really well... especially if you only pick one chore at a time to work on and you never make a fight about it or even mention that you've given up doing it, just act more like you simply forgot all about it.

Also, nothing is as important as love.
It's good to stand up for yourself and for women to a point, but if the idealism of feminism is coming in the way of the love in your relationship, you'll be much happier if you choose love over idealism.

I love you. I hope you're doing better.

chore-strike, what a good idea! I might get to that one day ^^

All is bette for now. He partially recognized it and partially said I fuzz too much, which is partially true :)

The love is there, so all should go well. We have a little booklet-system now, where I put down all chores that bug my mind. Then we go through the list and see who does what and also scrape some chores that are just my mind going woohoo!

Thank you for your good advice, sweet friend!

zo herkenbaar!!
ik heb daar ook al aan gedacht om dat eens op te schrijven, maar ik weet de uitkomst al...


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